The Seed of Fear
We get so busy that we think we don’t have time to slowdown…
However in September of 2014, I was suddenly pulled into the reality that sometimes, we basically have to stop. I was in the middle of an exciting season and things were growing rapidly—we were in the middle of pastoring our campus in Sullivan. I was crazy busy, and I loved what God was doing in our community. I loved watching our leaders grow in incredible ways as they ministered to a growing number of people in our church and in the community. God was doing amazing things far beyond my wildest expectations. I really had no interest in slowing down…
Losing My Sight
One weekend, I was driving back from visiting our son Micah at Olivet Nazarene University when I noticed what seemed like a black curtain was being pulled down across my left eye. It really didn’t bother me too much, and I figured it would go away soon. The following day, I mentioned to my wife, Lori, that something seemed strange with my eye, and she recommended I get it looked at. I made an appointment with my eye doctor, and after a very brief exam and going in and out of the room a couple of times, he informed me that I had a detached retina and that I would need emergency surgery that night. Not really realizing what this meant, I questioned if we could wait since it was Friday night of Labor Day Weekend, but he informed me waiting could increase the risk of blindness in that eye. It seemed like no big deal to me, I’m a generally positive person and not really fearful, so I headed into surgery.
When we headed for home that night after the procedure, something felt different. As I sat in the car, facedown on a pillow, the thought of blindness began to creep in on me. There are things in life that you think of that you know you don’t want to experience, and blindness was certainly one of them for me. I knew I would have lots of time to think over the next number of days as I was told when I left the hospital that to ensure proper healing, I would need to spend the next 7 days in a facedown position. This is a unique experience to say the least, and like our current quarantine situation, I was able to see the good and the bad in this unexpected time I had on my hands:
The good I found is that this predicament eliminated a lot of distractions and made me quiet myself. On the second day of being unable to work, I began to realize all the things I was “doing” before actually got done without me or weren’t as important as I thought. As those 7 days crept along, fortunately I was able to rotate to a massage chair during the day and arrange mirrors so that I could at least read or watch tv with my one eye. One of the challenges in reattaching the retina is that the healing process still looks like no vision or little vision in that eye for 4-6 weeks. I tried not to overly fixate on not being able to see the results of healing, but fear slowly moved in. I could hardly tell that fear was becoming more of an issue because it came on so slowly. However, after the 7 days, it really began to rear its ugly head. I still had almost no vision in that eye, which affected my ability to function in everyday things like driving, reading, and depth perception. I tried to tell myself it would all be fine, but I felt a hint of fear even in my self-talk.
The Truth About Fear
The thing about fear is that it only needs a tiny foothold to start, but it isn’t content to stay there. Fear wants to consume us, to take our very trust of our Father. The spirit of fear intends to keep you from your destiny and tries to get us to believe in it, instead of God's truth. God calls us to be bold and courageous children. We are to be people who not only live with courage but people who cast out fear. So, here is the crazy part: I KNEW all of this, and yet I was allowing fear to grow in me. The words “fear not” are used at least 80 times in the Bible, but I was still feeling it deeply? The reality of my head knowing truth and having it pass to my heart became very real to me. I had to process the following: Will I daily live fearfully or will I live confidently and full of trust in my Father? We know the promises of God are true and that His provision for us is enough for all of our fears. Whatever those fears are that we have, God provides in each of those situations what we need in that moment. The reality is… this is a choice, and for some of us we have to be reminded daily the truth about choosing to walk full of trust and that our Father is good. It was right about the time I was struggling with fear that the song “No Longer Slaves” was being introduced in our church. That song became my anthem. I would listen to it over and over… “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God”. I needed to remind myself of the truth in my head. As a child of God, I don’t need to live with a spirit of fear.
The spirit of Fear wants to take up residence in our lives, dominate our thoughts and our conversations. Fear wants our attention because it wants to control us. It wants to control every part of us including the destiny that God has for us. There are plenty of things that cause fear to rise in us, plenty of things that happen to us and around us. Many times, we unintentionally allow fear to control us by just giving it some space. Fear is a liar, and the Bible tells us we have a real enemy who is the father of lies. There really is a spiritual battle happening. We do have authority over fear, it is the spirit who gives us life. 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us,
For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
When our children were younger, they would occasionally wake up afraid of the dark. We would take them back to bed, tuck them in, and pray with them. We have a Heavenly Father that tells us to live just like that when we are fearful. Philippians 4:6-7, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
The Choice
To end this story, my eyes have not completely healed, and even though my current situation might cause fear to want to rise in me (fear of another detached retina and fear that my sight will fail), I can live in the truth that fear doesn’t have to control me. I do not need to live as a slave to fear. I choose to believe that I have a good Father who invites me to live a life full of power and love just like His word says. I invite you into that same choice… no matter the season you find yourself in.
Jim Plank
The Vineyard Church
Sullivan, IL