The Question That Changed Christmas Day
Could one intentional question at the dinner table really shift the heart of a family?
I believe wholeheartedly, YES!
Let me share a quick story: A few years ago, we were gathered for the holidays at my family’s home in North Carolina. The grandchildren were downstairs already running around while the adults were devouring Mom’s cooking… it was like we had never eaten in our lives! My mom’s mashed potatoes are seriously so good that you want to horde the whole bowl to yourself and weep as you eat them. Haha! I think it’s the thing she does with butter over the top. Be still my soul, Christmas is coming…
We were just starting to eat dessert when Dad began fidgeting and trying to get our attention before he dropped a pretty simple invitation. “Why don’t we take a moment while we are eating dessert and each of you shares something you have appreciated this past year about the person to your left.”
Groan. Sigh. Plates shuffling… Immediately the atmosphere around the table shifted into the uncomfortable zone, and under the breath comments like “Do we really need to do this?” To add to the drama, my sister’s boyfriend was visiting, and he wasn’t our favorite person. I could write a few blog posts just on him. I was waiting for him to leave the table when my dad said this, but instead I was shocked to see a look of curiosity come over him. In fact, he started to detach himself from his headphones for a minute.
The outcome?
It wasn’t long before the atmosphere began to shift as the presence of God touched people around the table. The power of love in the room was tangible! Then we came to the boyfriend who was undoubtedly experiencing something new. As words were spoken over him you could see his whole face soften and his body language shift - when these defenses started to come down, the ripple effect around the table was electric. It was like we all felt God’s love for him in a way that we never had before and I knew I couldn’t even look at him the same way again. It. was. amazing. We left the table feeling as full of God’s love and presence as Mom’s mashed potatoes. What a win!
“A man has joy in giving an appropriate answer,
And how good and delightful is a word spoken at the right moment—how good it is!”
How good it is! I’m going to share just a few intentional ways you can create lasting memories for your family over the holidays. I have done every one of them and could share stories with you for days. I promise you won’t regret it.
Personal words
Prepare a thoughtful note to give to each of your family members along with their Christmas gift. Be specific about the way they make a difference in your world! Bonus points for reading them out loud and allowing the whole family to join in and love on each other.
Conversations at the table
Give an opportunity for everyone to share something they appreciate about the person to their left or right.
Ask everyone to share something they are celebrating from this past year. After they speak, toast their celebration. A “cheers” and clink of glasses is the kids favorite part. ;)
Give family members a heads up that you would like them to share “something they are hoping for in the coming year”. Bless what they share with an agreement and a quick toast.
You don’t need to have a table full of “christians or adults only” to facilitate any of these conversations. All you need is someone willing to take the brunt of a few negative reactions to create space for memorable interactions.
Report back and share your experience in our “On the Journey” Facebook group. We would love to hear about it!
Carolyn Yoder
The Vineyard Church // Sullivan, IL